this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2025
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My former boss had a whole church community arrange a meeting between him and a woman, just so his parents could tell her parents what he thought of her. The two would eventually marry. It really was that easy back then. And yes they’re still happily married for reasons beyond my understanding.
I'm going to assume if you arrange 1000 marriages a few are definitely bound to work out. For the rest though...
Arranged marriages have better results than love based ones in many cultures. It turns out having all your family who have had kids and been married have a clearer understanding of the couples compatibility than those in love.
Love will make you overlook the thing that your auntie would zero in on as a long term problem.
I can see the logic. The realities of day to day life and managing a household together are a considerably larger presence than most people realize until they're shoulder deep into adult life.
My cousin was miserable after his first year in marriage. Our grandmother, who was lovely but not perceptive, told him not to marry her after meeting her the first time because she was dismissive of his perspective. My cousin didn’t think this was an issue until the honeymoon period wore off and then realized his new wife never thought he knew anything.
They lasted 6 years.
For context, see research by Myers, D., 1993 (which I can't find a link to at the moment) about differences in satisfaction in couples in India in arranged marriages and couples in Amerikkka in marriages of choice, and compare it with the later research Myers, 2005.
More specifically to your statement about auntie zeroing in on something, see MacDonald & Ross, 1999.
To shreds you say
What about the ones that work out?
Shredded you say
I didn’t bother going into details. It wasn’t an arranged marriage, the two were only arranged to meet. They chose to pursue a relationship entirely on their own.
Odds are if a church was involved, one or both are gaslighted into believing they are meant to be married that other person for better or worse, and regressive enough subculture/community that finds divorce abhorrent for any reason (other than the man could have a younger bride)
OR they come from a culture that does arranged marriages and you are being anti-theist and unintentionally culturally insensitive.
You are aware that arranged marriage is a thing still, right?
Most countries where arranged marriages are still a thing so have that backwards religious view on divorce though.
When you actually sit down and talk to people in these marriages they tend to be content.
Your suggestion that another culture or religion is “backwards” is a very awkward claim to make as those rarely come from a good place.
I'm not suggesting another cultuur or religion is backwards, only that their views on divorce often are. The result of these views often is that women get stuck in abusive marriages and have no way to get out. I know people who are in arranged marriages. Some of them are happy, but the ones that are not are stuck.