Asklemmy

So here's mine. At the time, I didn't find it funny, but as an adult, I can understand how this is hilarious.

So I'm a pretty smart guy. I was a smart kid who had(s/d) a pretty good memory. I remember things from when I was about 2 1/2 to now. Some are blurry, but there's this one that sticks out to me because of the monster I saw.

Disclaimer: Most of what is typed is dramatization for entertainment purposes, but the actual situation is real

My parents and grandparents were big on camping. I spent a lot of time in the woods from when I was a baby. And we weren't a family that did "glamping." We slept in tents, we'd go fishing for food, bathe in a lake or a creek, so on and so forth... and we would do this for a week in the summer every year.

We'd have roasted fish filets over an open fire, my grandfather would catch the fish in the morning (he was the best fisherman I've ever seen personally) and then would take the kids to go pick blackberries so my grandma could make a cobbler for desert for lunch and dinner.

So we did spend a lot of time out in the woods. So when I was about 3 was when memories started. My grandma likes to remind me about the time I would "preach" at chickens, and she loves the story. She embellishes a different way every time to try and get me embarrassed and I have to fake embarrassment because I remember talking to the chickens and I remember in brain what I was trying to tell them. It was that they needed to share. One hen kept getting pushed aside and wasn't able to feed. She was the skinniest and was standing in the back of the group. So I started lecturing the other hens that the last hen couldn't eat. I was a fat kid and I guess even then, food was good for everyone (my hobby is cooking now).

So i digress... I've bragged enough about my fantastic memory (humble brag).

So the family was camping one week, and I decide, while no one's looking, to go and check the woods out on my own (about 3 yrs old). I'm having a great time exploring the new world around me. I was a genuine forest dweller.

Until I heard a rustle below my feet. A strange stunning shock filled my body. There was a creature ready to crawl up my leg to finished my eldered 3 years of life on this planet. I thought I had fought my last battle and that a memorial would be raised for me. I withdrew the rest of my heavy amount of courage and looked down only to see the monster for what it was. A grotesque beast the craved nothing but blood.

I quickly made the choice to preserve my life and make a tactical retreat. I ran as fast as I could to receive strength from my superiors in support of combating this creature from hell.

Just kidding. I wondered off in the woods and encountered an armadillo. My 3 year old brain saw this crazy creature and immediately knew it was a monster.

To this day, I'm 40 years old and I hear this story every family gathering. Never fails. The time I was 3 and saw a "monster."