this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2023
229 points (91.9% liked)
Asklemmy
43755 readers
1258 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Most of what I know is informed by stereotypes from various facets of American pop culture and not reality so my opinion is not valuable
I'd say share it anyway, could still be a really insightful or useful perspective
No, they're a hexbear user.
She's a hexbear user. We have pronoun tags for a reason. She doesn't state they/them as her pronouns so please edit your post to not misgender her.
"They" is a more general word and does not specify gender. Personally I use that word when I want it to be clear I am not implying that gender is relevant to my statement. It isn't inaccurate and people shouldn't always have to include references to gender in everything they say.
Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I point out misgendering and some cissie has the fucking nerve to argue with me why blatantly degendering women, a common smear tactic among British terfs btw, isn't a bad thing akshually. "oH i'M oNlY dOiG tHiS wHeN gEnDeR iSn'T rElEvAnT", the fuck are you talking about, respecting trans people's gender is ALWAYS relevant, you do not get to decide on this. This is our decision alone, to deny trans people the autonomy over their gendered self expresion and gender recognition is a textbook case of transphobia.
To make this perfectly clear: There is ONE, just ONE, correct response when somebody calls you out for misgendering somebody. It's apologizing and correcting your mistake. That's a tiny thing to do and takes a fraction of the time it takes to argue with me, and it will cause you one millionth of the distress you're up for when you act transphobic in my presence. If she would be fine with being they / themed, she would have given they / them as a second set of pronouns. Why is that so hard to understand?
I'm sharing my opinions about language, not being transphobic. What I said is not specific to trans women, I had no reason to think the woman replied to was transgender. If you think my disagreeing with you means I must secretly hate you because you're trans, you're wrong, but I hope the world treats you with more compassion and respect in the future.
That's a distortion of what I said. My claim is not that the non-relevance of gender morally justifies using non-gendered language, I'm not trying to be defensive. It's that a statement using gendered language and a statement not using gendered language is a different expression, the meaning is affected. Think about when singular 'they' was less well accepted, and it was more common in writing to use 'he' as a catch-all term. Yes, readers understood that it was possible the person being referred to was a woman despite the use of the word 'he', but that word still conveyed assumptions about the world. What if that isn't your actual intent? Then you don't use gendered words. That is a legitimate choice.
Gee, thanks for your pity, but i don't need that. Most of my friends are cis and i know what it's like when cis people treat me with compassion and respect, as most people are actually capable of that. It's not that hard. They listen when i voice my grievances and understand that i have a different, yet valid perspective on such things than them, and that they can learn something from that to be more inclusive in the future. Probably because they understand that calling out transphobia doesn't mean calling somebody a transphobe. I would've used different language than that if my impression would have been malice instead of ignorance.
nobody is saying you can't identify or specify whatever pronouns you want. But it laughable to say it's your decision if other people use them in the name of "tolerance," of all things
Your insistence on ordering trans people around and telling us if we´re allowed to find open misgenderings to be offensive would be laughable if it wouldn't be so disgusting. Pronouns are not a polite request to pretty please tone down your transphobia out of the kindness of your heart, respecting our pronouns is the absolute bare minimum of respect you can show towards us.
...nobody is ordering you around? You are the only one I see making demands, actually. You are welcome to be offended if you like, in fact I give you my permission
Go play in traffic, you transphobic pig.
You write a wall of text an get all worked up just because someone used "they" just to be neutral. No one is going to check your profiles one by one just to know your pronouns. This is the real world, no whatever crazy wuerdo echo chamber is hexabear.
Maybe your suicide rates wouldn't be so high if you didn't get offended for basically nothing. Is not that you get discrimination against you, is that you can handle society as everyone else can.
Pronouns don't mean shit, just grow up man
Lmao : 🤣