this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024
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I have many interests, if not too many. From cooking, woodwork and computers. Many of my friends are academically very successful but are frankly painfully boring and I sometimes feel isolated around them.

I like to cook when they hang at my house, I'll try to teach them how, some basic tips, etc. As soon as I glanced towards them again I realized they walked off.

This summarizes a lot of our interactions. As we get to a topic I understand and can speak passionately about, they sort of turn off. They talk to each other fine, but it's often internet drama, school drama or sports.

I'm not in college\classes and it seems almost impossible to meet others, especially others that are interesting and curious. I find myself bonding most to adults but it's isolating I can't find others my age.

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[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 months ago

Something here seems off. Supposedly the occasion was explicitly to cook together, but then they came and refused to cook?

Either you let yourself be taken advantage on by going ahead and voluntarily cooking FOR all of them (instead of WITH), or the expectations weren't clear around what the gathering was for. Maybe for them it was just about chatting nonsense all along, not about cooking.

Throughout your post you mention "they are boring", you "try to teach them", you can't find "othets who are interesting and curious". I say this in a good way: Have you considered maybe it's an attitude problem?

I've read three paragraphs from you and I already have an impression you're snobbish and think you're better than everyone else. (Everyone else is boring, right?)

My point is there are a lot of layers here, and you have a role in it too. If they didn't want to cook, why did you do it yourself voluntarily? Why didn't you just say "Hey guys, so are we cooking or should we just order something delivered?"

I think you're putting your effort in the wrong place. You are doing very specific things and you are expecting very specific things from your friends, maybe just don't.

Be curious instead, listen to their 'boring' stuff and try to get involved. Listen to the people and not the topic. Why would they care about what you have to tell them, if your opinion of the things they are passionate about is:

... they are frankly painfully boring...

It sounds like you talk a lot, but don't listen enough.