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I have every reason to be unhappy and resentful, how not to be that? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by Owell1984@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I recently heard a man say, you should not focus on things that make you sad. There are certain things in life that are always gonna suck, there will always be certain things which you can't change, there is no use worrying about them or hating them.

Unfortunately, I am in a system that handicaps human growth, you don't/can't grow up to your full potential when you live in systems like these. I can't leave anytime soon, and the hyper-realization that had I been in a better system that fosters growth, I won't be as miserable (emphasis on the as here) as I am here. I am hyperaware of certain things. Small things, they steal my mental peace, it can be someone honking incessantly on the streets or anything loud or unnecessary at any time of the day. Reddit shows me some weird stuff when I enter it and that distrubs my peace of mind! I have become very sensitive to these things.

I am sorrounded by all things negative in life, I have all the reason in the world to br resentful and ill-tempered, but resentment is a very dangerous thing, I don't want to be resentful. If I can't he happy here, I just want to be in peace! How can I do this? Venting about my situation helps but it's temporary and it seems to be doing more damage than good.

P.S.: Please don't start with how the American system is bad, it probably is, but there are worse things. I will literally be willing to lose a leg to get there. Also, might take sometime to reply, but I deeply appreciate your responses.

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[–] hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I think there's a few things in your response that trigger alarm bells.

First of all, it sounds like your environment is awful. Can you try to change things just a bit? Step by step? Identify what exactly it is (if it's family, try to get some distance to them (try to not hang around them if you can, etc.), if it's friends, try to go out and do your own thing for a bit and maybe try to approach new ppl, if it's school, talk to someone you trust and maybe figure out a solution where you can get some help there.

In general if you can, maybe therapy could help. If it's a permanent thing, and that's what it sounds like, a therapist can help you find solutions to deal with it.

What's kind of odd to me is that you say it's the little things that contribute a lot. Now having a bad day is not odd, but if it's one of the reasons you have a bad life rn, that's odd. I would look into why this still affects you in that magnitude. This something else you could talk with a therapist about.

I know that if you have good mental health usually these small things shouldn't throw you off, they are just a bit annoying. That's basically how usually ppl deal with it.

Now mind you I'm def not judging, I let small things get to me as well, but I'm in therapy for related issues and that's why I know I will improve.

And the thing with social media: basically, there's infinite good things and infinite bad things on social media. But the response to bad things is much stronger than it is too good things, that's why social media has a bias to display bad things (news, etc). So either limiting social media usage can be good, or you can try to curb news and stuff to get less of a skewed view. I did the same - I completely removed my reddit account (which tends to have a more pessimistic user base) and on Lemmy I started unfollowing a lot of news communities. It's just more healthy for me to see more neutral and positive things.

So yeah I hope I could help you. And always remember, as long as you believe it will get better, it will. Your brain has an amazing ability to reinforce positive thinking patterns if you concentrate on them and this in turn makes you behave more positively towards others and therefore can actively help you on your conquest to change your environment. Wish I could link you studies on this rn but I can only give you the good ole trust me bro guarantee.

Good luck on making a change, I believe if you do you can be a big positive influence for others :)