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So is your relationship abstinence due to striking out because your personality or idea of relationships doesn’t fit the norm and you can’t find a suitable partner, or has your perception of relationships kept you from pursuing relationships entirely?
You basically asked the same thing again. I'm not a good candidate, I don't have a job and when I had one was low income, I'm not social at all, i hate going out to do fun stuff, I don't want to engage or entangle with "her family", I don't drive or own a car, I don't have my own place, I'm not physically strong or good looking and I don't care about being it. I'm not charming or romantic and hate conversations. Would you date me if I you were a girl? No right? That's my point.
I didn’t ask the same question, and you avoided answering mine which was: have you tried or have you just considered yourself a failure?
I became friends with a guy like you, and I had money so I took him places and paid for things because we had fun together. Your situation isn’t hopeless, but your attitude is. Yes, if you want to have a relationship, you do have to be personable because that’s the only way someone would want to hang out with you. You listed all the negative things about your situation but nothing about your hobbies, what you like to do. Okay, you don’t like to “go out and have fun” but do you like to stay in and have fun? My friend and I often played video games together, is that an option?
There are detriments on your list that sound negative not only to a potential partner, but to you. Do you want to have a job? Do you want to have your own place? If so, what’s stopping you? I know you were reading that ex-incel post, so you know many people started by focusing on what they wanted to improve in their lives and forgetting about relationships. You are in a negative place, and I will bet that it’s not just about relationships but about yourself.
Btw, my friend is in a poly relationship now, got his GED, moved to his own place, went to trade school, and works at a news station. The most important thing is he is more confident, comfortable with himself as he is, and happy. It’s not impossible, but you do have to do the work.
You’ll probably have an angry response to this, but I don’t want anyone to think they are a lost cause because that’s what their brain is saying and how society makes them feel, so I just wanted to say something.
Edit: Just to answer your question: I can not say if I would want to date you because I don’t know you. All you talked about was your life situation, not your personality: likes, hobbies, tastes in music, etc. Being compatible in those things would help me determine that.
Angry? I'm just saying the truth. I like videogames but that's hardly anything majority of women like, majority haven't even playing anything in their lives. And honestly no, I don't want to "improve" or change myself into being another person. I dunno what ged is, I'm guessing it's studies, I had only make it up to middle school. You think I'm a failure, I don't care.
Where did I say you were a failure? I am just trying to help. But it seems, as angry as you come off on the internet, you are happy with all the things you listed as detrimental to having a partner, which is fine. It’s just so odd that someone so opposed to having a relationship because they are happy with they way they are would even get so involved in a discussion on relationships with no real experience on the topic.
Though I will say, that the fact that you don’t want to improve yourself at all would be a red flag against me dating you. I believe that we should strive to improve ourselves every day - to become better people than we were before - because when you stay the same, you stagnate, which is not beneficial to your health or mental wellbeing.
Anyway, have a great life, good luck! I hope you get everything you deserve in life! ✌️
I've never said I'm happy. I'm fucked. But that's the way things are
And your defeatist attitude will keep you there. Again, good luck. 👍
Is just facts, so I'm a defeatist because I don't wanna fit?
You are a defeatist because you are unhappy and unwilling to do anything about it.
And that’s the last I’m saying. I just can’t bother with someone who wants to keep talking like the world is the way it is and there’s nothing you can do to change it.
There's nothing that I can do about it dude. Is my reality and my soul, my nature. You just exist, i won't change myself into something I don't wanna be.
You don't want to be happy?
I have some advice for you, that I hope you can apply (if not-- oh well, advice is cheap). There are no hard rules to life. There is no way that men or women (or others) must be, simply because they are. There is no "average woman". There is no such thing as being bound to one purpose, or one fate. Your life is the sum of your choices and the experiences that result from them; no more, no less. And if you're in an environment (IRL or online) where this seems to be wrong-- everyone thinks in a way that you disagree with, or agrees that change or exception are not possible-- change your environment. Your brain is a machine that will offload any choices it can make whenever possible to be more efficient. Your environment is a powerful shortcut. Make sure that it's working in your favor. I wish you luck in changing your fate.
Changing your environment is a middle class luxury, do you think poor people have the luxury of "start over again" moving and stuff, that bs is from your Hollywood movies.
I live with my family in a middle size apartment ffs. There's no start over. There's no ✨ change your environment ✨ I'm unemployed and poor. And that won't change even if I had a job.
It would certainly help. "Change your environment" doesn't necessarily mean "move". Getting a job counts. Surrounding yourself with people who have healthy thought patterns counts. Redecorating your room counts.
Healthy thoughts? So apparently I'm supposed to surround myself with gay people or something? Because everyone screws everyone. I don't see that as unhealthy, is just reality
I haven't been screwed over by someone in literal years, because I surround myself with people who don't do that. Again, if you think "everyone" does something, that's likely not true; it's only a reflection of the people you see daily. "It's just reality" is a thought-terminating cliche that is preventing you from improving your environment.
I'd argue my tone has been at least 50% technical rather than pure guru nonsense, but fine, how about I switch to something more direct. Get off your ass and stop complaining about your life without making any effort to fix it. You want to be happy? You want the people that you know to treat you with respect? Drop the ones who don't, and find ones who do! I'm not lying, I'm not gaslighting, and I'm not trying to mislead you. What possible incentive would I have to do that? Do you think everyone goes around being miserable 100% of the time? No, because we have chosen to identify and fix the problems in our lives (internal and external-- that's why I keep bringing up environments), so that we can enjoy the lives we're making. You owe it to yourself to do the same.
Obviously I don't know much about your life, that's why I'm trying to get you to understand how to fix it yourself. I can't do shit, I'm just trying to motivate you to do something. If you do have someone in your life that you value and trust, you should ask them for advice, but until you do, this is the best you're gonna get.
You think I'm doing this as some sort of power trip? What a twisted view of reality. I'm doing this because I want to help, for some reason.
Well, you did ask me to change techniques. Ultimately I can't force you to be motivated. Anyone you talk to on this site is throwing shit at a wall to see if it sticks. If you want tailored advice, talk to someone IRL. Like I said, this is the best the internet can do for you without knowing more about who you are.
Listen, I never said it was your fault. Most people aren't where they are because it's their fault. Not rich people, not poor people, and probably not you or me. Some people are born into a life full of challenges, and some are born with a bulldozer that can ram through any issues they face. That doesn't mean that you should just lay down in the road and give up, does it? Like I said, you do have some control over your circumstances. Are you going to suddenly become Bezos? No. But you can change your environment. You can make an effort to do things that you care about, instead of giving up. You can ask for help if you need to rest, because you can't make a massive effort every day indefinitely. Relatedly, setting up your environment so that you don't have to make a massive effort to make the choices that you know are good for yourself is the whole reason I keep bringing it up.
Sometimes when life feels out of control I find working on my hobbies helps me relax and sometimes even see things from another perspective. Playing guitar seems to help the most