this post was submitted on 28 Jul 2024
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[–] MilitantAtheist@lemmy.world 47 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Advantage:

  • You have someone to talk to
  • You have someone to eat with
  • You have someone to have sex with
  • You have someone to pool resources with
  • You have someone whose family is now your extended family

Disadvantage:

  • You have to talk to someone
  • You have to eat with someone
  • You have to have sex with someone
  • You have to pool resources with someone
  • You have more fucking family you have to do things with
[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 27 points 3 months ago (2 children)

In a good relationsship, you don't have to do anything like this, you do it because you want to.

  1. Talk - A good partner will recognize when you need space and leave you alone.
  2. Eat - You can eat at different times depending on your schedule, just remember to consider the other person when cooking and do the washing up after yourself.
  3. Sex - no, you don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to, or when you don't want to.
  4. Resources - no you can have separate finances, but it is usually beneficial to pool your resources.
  5. Family - not everyone has a happy family, or a family at all, this is not a given.
[–] Zikeji@programming.dev 9 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Just to clarify #1 - while it is implied under "will recognize" - that recognition may come from being told by their partner they need space, not necessarily from recognizing cues or intuition. And that's okay, good communication is key in relationships.

[–] stoy@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 months ago

Oh, absolutely!

[–] Feathercrown@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Sex - no, you don’t have to have sex with anyone you don’t want to, or when you don’t want to.

Of course, as with most things, but that doesn't mean that you can't feel pressured to do something because you want your partner to be happy, and they want to do it. You always have the right to refuse, but "I don't want to do X, but I know my partner does, so I do want to do X because I want to make them happy" is an intrinsic downside of a relationship. In turn, you should always be able to say no, and your partner should respect that because they know it wouldn't make you happy, and that's more important than getting what they want. "You can just say no" is true, but it also bypasses the entire point of the conversation around what makes being in a relationship difficult.