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can you help me formulate an answer to a colleague who is not my boss but feels entitled to tell me how I have to work? (linux.community)

submitted 6 months ago by permit54@linux.community to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

38 comments fedilink hide all child comments

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/803244

the colleague in question feels that only her way of doing things is the right one and expects me to adapt to her way of thinking and her logic. This is tiring and burdensome because I have to force me to stop doing things automatically and efficiently, but think how she wants it done and do it her way. I work worse when this happens.

There are several ways to reach the same goal and I always adapt according to the situation at hand. I do what feels logic at the time and work my way.

I already told the charge nurse charge about it but I don't know if she had a conversation with this coworker and what was said.

The message has to be neutral and polite. What do you think of this?

I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It's tiring. You have your way of doing things, I've got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I'm gonna go work now.

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[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 17 points 6 months ago (1 children)

Is the end result the same? Sometimes the right process gets better end results. Especially if you're a new hire, it's worth considering doing it their way just out of humility.

I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It's tiring. You have your way of doing things, I've got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I'm gonna go work now.

This is an extremely aggressive way to speak to someone. It's a little wild that this is what you came up with trying to be neutral and diplomatic. Genuinely makes me question if you're understanding this person and your role correctly.

If you're certain that doing it your way is just as good then I recommend the following message:

Hi [person's name]! I wanted to thank you for your help getting me situated into this new role at [company name]. I really appreciate the difficulties of integrating a new team member, and I want you to know I'm 100% committed to doing good work together.

My personal experience with projects like these involves a work flow that looks more like [x, y, z], and the clients that I've worked for using this process were always happy with the results. The process you showed me where it's [a, b, c] doesn't make as much sense to me, perhaps we can schedule some time to go over why it's more effective doing it [a, b, c] rather than [x, y, z]? Otherwise, just for the sake of completing the project ASAP I would prefer using the way I have more experience with.

Happy to discuss this with you further at anytime and excited about the great things we'll be making together 😁

That's a bullet proof corporate email any manager would take a look at and know you're not the problem.

[–] permit54@linux.community 0 points 6 months ago (1 children)

It’s a little wild that this is what you came up with trying to be neutral and diplomatic.

that's why this post is titled 'can you help me...?'

Genuinely makes me question if you’re understanding this person and your role correctly.

I only know she's not my boss and my role is the same as her.

I don't understand why you believe you know my role better than me.

I wouldn't do this over email. To be effective, the message has to be said next time she feels entitled to 'correct' me.

but, just my 2 cents

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 4 points 6 months ago (1 children)

I only know she's not my boss and my role is the same as her.

They've been in the role longer than you have, that gives them seniority over you.

I don't understand why you believe you know my role better than me.

You've been purposely vague about your role so I am left to make a best guess.

I wouldn't do this over email. To be effective, the message has to be said next time she feels entitled to 'correct' me.

You should do it over email so there is a written record and no miscommunication. You could even CC your supervisor if you wajt to play hardball.

Your currently strategy is to snap at her the next time she annoys you. Not a good look for a new hire.

[–] permit54@linux.community -1 points 6 months ago (1 children)

keep assuming

[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 1 points 6 months ago

Okay you're a nurse. You should get over yourself and just do it the way the other nurse is showing you. Be humble 🫶