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Please help: What's your take on woman drinking guy's beer without asking after he starts dancing with her? (beehaw.org)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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Please be kind with me as I am new to this platform. I was at a club when a very handsome guy, totally my type, started dancing with me. I don't know what gave me the courage to take the half finished beer from his hand and take a sip of it without asking. I then gave his beer back to him, and he said he had to go but will be right back. It was an excuse to stop dancing with me since he just stayed put in his friend group without going anywhere. I've been feeling really bad after that happened and would have danced the night away with him if I could. And now I have no idea what his name or phone number is, just keep replaying that night in my mind.

What is your opinion on a woman taking a man's beer and having a sip without asking? Is it such an awful gesture that his sudden rejection was warranted? Was he angry, scared off, or just thought I was easy? I am not that type of person and had no ill intentions whatsoever. I just acted on natural impulse and was trying to be flirtatious. Thank you for any advice and comfort.

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[–] exocrinous@startrek.website 16 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

It's gross. I don't want to make you feel insulted, so I'm going to try to be gentle with this, but if a girl drank my beer without asking I'd think that she has poor boundary recognition and that her... hygiene preferences, are incompatible with mine. It would be an immediate and massive turnoff.

I'm sure some people like that, but even if I did like it, it would be a red flag that you did it without asking.

[–] Zworf@beehaw.org 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

and that her… hygiene preferences, are incompatible with mine

If you're flirting with her, chances are you're going to end up kissing anyway, which is a lot less "hygienic". If you don't feel like doing that, the interest would probably not be mutual?

[–] exocrinous@startrek.website 6 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I kissed my partner once and it was super gross. I needed to wash my mouth right away. I only did it because it made my partner happy, and I'm glad I did it because my partner was happy, but ew. I like sex much better than kissing because I know how to have sex without involving any fluids. Anyway, if a girl kissed me without consent I would be equally concerned.

[–] Zworf@beehaw.org 6 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Really? The things I like about sex the most involve my mouth too 😅

I didn't realise some people don't like kissing! I always assumed everyone liked it. For me it's always a huge turn on.

[–] exocrinous@startrek.website 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I have kissed my partner on the body lots and lots of times, and I'm okay with that because the only fluids involved are mine. My partner isn't allowed to kiss me back unless I'm really feeling strong and hardy that day, and not on the mouth. It's allowed to bite me, though. Biting feels a lot more natural and a lot less violent.

[–] jarfil@beehaw.org 2 points 5 months ago

Do you have your partner do a proper scrubbing before that? Because otherwise, I have some bad news for you... but not sure you'd want to hear them.

[–] averyminya@beehaw.org 2 points 5 months ago

I agree to a point, I think if there were clear indications such as: eye contact, glancing at the drink and smiling and making more eye contact, gently reaching for it, maybe hand contact then glass contact.

That said, I think having it be offered rather than taking would be generally more receptive