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Please help: What's your take on woman drinking guy's beer without asking after he starts dancing with her? (beehaw.org)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org

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Please be kind with me as I am new to this platform. I was at a club when a very handsome guy, totally my type, started dancing with me. I don't know what gave me the courage to take the half finished beer from his hand and take a sip of it without asking. I then gave his beer back to him, and he said he had to go but will be right back. It was an excuse to stop dancing with me since he just stayed put in his friend group without going anywhere. I've been feeling really bad after that happened and would have danced the night away with him if I could. And now I have no idea what his name or phone number is, just keep replaying that night in my mind.

What is your opinion on a woman taking a man's beer and having a sip without asking? Is it such an awful gesture that his sudden rejection was warranted? Was he angry, scared off, or just thought I was easy? I am not that type of person and had no ill intentions whatsoever. I just acted on natural impulse and was trying to be flirtatious. Thank you for any advice and comfort.

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[–] LallyLuckFarm@beehaw.org 19 points 5 months ago (1 children)

When I was younger, and as long as it wasn't my first beer, I'd have interpreted that as "I want some of what you've got" and been flattered. Probably some quip like "okay this round's on me but you're getting the next one".

But not everyone's flirtation styles line up, so be(e) kind to yourself. Make this time a joke to prepare the guy next time, and use their reaction to gauge whether the flirt will pay off (use your best judgment and be safe!). I'm glad you went out on a limb, and I think there'll be someone who can roll with what you're bringing

[–] appledinosaurcat@beehaw.org 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Thank you for the thoughtful comment and encouragement! Do you think there was anything that could be done to fix the situation once it happened? I'm a little worried how much it's been on my mind since it happened a few nights ago but it is definitely improving with time. I think I'm just feeling lonely romantically nowadays

[–] LallyLuckFarm@beehaw.org 9 points 5 months ago

To fix it? Maybe a "sorry, at least let me buy you a fresh beer" but we've all got those idiosyncracies that can change how we're feeling in a moment. I don't think it's all on you - there are myriad other ways he could have responded that might have given an opportunity to clear up the misunderstanding.

And besides, who's to say he's not doing the same thing you're doing, but saying "she was totally flirting with me and I froze, ugh"? But I also agree with some other folks in the thread about asking being the best option next time. Open up those lines of communication, and get yourself a second dance