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in my opinion this is very straightforward. the people working directly on power, water and materials don't have any control over how those things are used and often don't/can't know what they're being used for. however, at some point, a decision is made - for example, someone at the company that makes the steel alloy decides to sell it to raytheon - and so whoever made that decision is responsible.
and yes, if you work on a weapon safety system, you are working on an essential part of that weapon and so are responsible for its use
What if you work in HR at a major weapons manufacturer?
Unethical².
It's not always straightforward. I work as a software developer at a company which creates scientific measurement instruments. These instruments are used to do research into new battery types, and make cement greener. But they are also used extensively by the fossil fuel industry. I do struggle with the ethics of this.
For now I've decided to keep doing the job and make good money. When we've figured some other shit out in our lives we'll most likely move, and I'll give it another shot to work a job which I feel better about.