this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2023
1120 points (91.6% liked)
Programmer Humor
32739 readers
604 users here now
Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)
Rules:
- Posts must be relevant to programming, programmers, or computer science.
- No NSFW content.
- Jokes must be in good taste. No hate speech, bigotry, etc.
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Monkey brain
The nervous system of humans has been corrupted by being fed data from the internet, alcohol, toxic people, society in general etc. A lot of people, understandably so, want to escape this and take control of their own brains, and by extension their nervous systems.
It is illegal to slice up humans and analyze the source code of our brains unless you have a licence. And we as consumers are not provided with all the data the professionals gather. Think about it. We aren't even allowed to know what is in our own brains. This goes completely against the philosophy of Free and Open Source.
You can find monkeys in the wild. They are not an endangered species by any means, which means that people will only report you to the police because of disgust, not because you are breaking laws. [Note: I am not a lawyer and haven't read the laws relating to animals deeply, I do not take responsibility for legal troubles you get in if any]. Rip apart the monkeys and you can see the brain and nerves in their full glory.
Now you may ask, why monkeys of all animals? That is because they are one of the animals closest to humans that an individual can realistically capture. You do not want to fight a Chimpanzee unless you don't care a lot about your life.
You may realize that you don't understand the brain even though you have it. No worries there. You can't understand the code of any FOSS application you use either. The important thing is that the source is available to you without restrictions.
Another question you may ask is that "This is too primitive". This is a misunderstanding. People(non-developers only) think the command line is primitive and outdated now that graphical interfaces exist. This is simply not true. We are simply going back to our roots.
To self host it, you can simply install its docker image. Now this is the tricky part, since we don't have a traditional OS. Basically, primitive brains, all they do it eat, sleep, reproduce, and do dopamine releasing activities. All you need to achieve this is follow the following two steps. They are very simple and everyone can achieve it without any technical knowledge or difficulty.
That is it for the article. If you enjoyed reading it, please do consider sharing it on Lemmy, Kbin, Mastodon, Peertube(if you have a channel to talk about this) and Pixelfed. Thank you for your time.
This article was sponsored by monkeyresurgence.com. They are a group that wants humanity to reject modernity and return to monke. Please visit the website and click on as many ads as possible so that they can get a decent earning. We are also completely dependent on their funding so if they earn more, we can provide you with more articles.
"Jamie, pull up that video"
As someone who lives in a country with monkeys, you do not want to fight them either.
People don't realize that part of diverging from our monkey ancestry traded a lot of brute strength for dexterity. Chimpanzee's can weigh as much as an average adult male, but their hand and arm strength is enough to literally tear your face off.
Not joking, there was a lady who made the news because a chimp removed her hands and then all of her facial features. The way muscles insert in their arms and the upper arm/forearm proportions maximize force but reduce the range of motion and fine motor control, but it's still like fighting a middle schooler with the strength of a couple of adult men. And also that kid's a an angry cannibal.
Apparently chimps have been seen killing and eating gorillas. Basically, monkeys can be rough, but chimps are scary as fuck. This website almost reads like it's joking, but all the numbers actually line up and it seems like a legitimate zoology website.