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[serious] What are your most important boundaries you've learned to enforce? (lemmy.world)

submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by cheese_greater@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Nobody tells me what I'm going to do or where I will be going and when that happens

I am open to invitations or requests or suggestions where my involvement is desired or ostensibly necesary for somone else. But I will never respond to this as a statement of fact or in the form of a threat

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[–] owenfromcanada@lemmy.world 14 points 8 months ago (2 children)

A fairly pragmatic one:

People are not entitled to my attention 100% of the time. I am not obligated to respond to your message right away or pick up the phone for an unscheduled call.

This was a challenging one for my relationship with my wife, as she operates differently. We've worked hard to establish reasonable expectations.

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago

Nice, yeah, I enjoy the hell out of asynchrous communication, particularly where its heavy stuff. Nobody should be time-pressured to make a response to things without having time to digest the words and arrive at a respectful, proper response.

Just in general, people should respond when they are ready to respond, but also, its a useful exercise to be able to shoot a text (regardless of content) and forget about it and just ask the person to being you up to speed if the context fades from you.

Also, if you have enjoyable conversations (persuant to my other boundary about not repeating experiences with negative people), people will often naturally want to engage with you but it cannot be forced and any pressure you apply will likely blow up in your face

[–] DarkPhysix@lemmings.world 2 points 8 months ago

I second this! When I was in an emotionally abusive relationship this was one of the worst things. I do not have it in me to be available to you 24/7, and I guarantee it will result in the degradation of the relationship. That relationship ended 6 years ago and I still get a trauma response when someone has unreasonable expectations for a response in a non time sensitive conversation.