Great job being the sucky books. You completely nailed it and proved why this post exists by saying the same obnoxious things I've heard 5,000 times. I have an incurable chronic illness, that wall ain't crumbling anytime soon short of a major advance in medical science. If I'm too exhausted to get to the toilet without help, how am I supposed to push through that?? Oh wait, I've tried pushing through that, you wanna guess what happens? I pass out, fun times.

The sad reality is people like you making assumptions about why someone they do not know is struggling. You are telling me I need to do something that is physically impossible. So yeah, saying it is easier than doing it when it can't be done. I push through so much crap, an absurd amount of it, but when I hit my breaking point I stop. Pushing through has caused me more harm than good. And then people like you come along and tell me I "just have to push through". NO! I'm gonna stick to respecting my body enough to listen to what it's telling me.

[–] Zoboomafoo@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago

I don't think self help books are for you

[–] MrScottyTay@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 months ago

Sorry to impose my experiences on your own. It's true that it doesn't work for everyone, I'm sorry that you're not one of them. I hope you get the help you need however it is

(I've never read a self help book in my life - I was just using my own personal anecdotal experience to hopefully help others similar to myself)

[–] Zink@programming.dev 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I also have an incurable chronic illness (not as bad as what you’re dealing with, but could progress to that) and am 3-4 years into trying to fix my mental health and return to a normal life.

I took that previous post to be more relevant to mental illness than a physical inability to get through a normal-ish life.

Unfortunately, what I have learned is that many of the useless platitudes have a kernel of truth to them. You do have to want it, put in the work, and you may need therapy/medical help to get over the hump, but you also have to be realistic and find contentment in playing the cards you’re dealt. And when limited to playing the cards you’re dealt, there may be some humps you can’t get over, or issues you can’t push through yet (or ever).

It’s about accepting that this is the life you have, and even if it’s unfair and difficult, for your life to get better you have to do it within the confines that you’re given. Plus the way you internally react to your body, your mind, and the world around you is perhaps the most dominant factor in how happy or satisfying your life is.

I mean all this is in a very pragmatic sense, not in some hand-wavy spiritual way. Your potential paths through life may be severely restricted, but there is almost certainly a path that you will like better than the one you’re already on. However, the set of paths is unique to you, so you can’t necessarily do what worked for somebody else. You also don’t have an induction manual for yourself, so expect a lot of trial and error, a lot of learning about what makes you tick, and look for any positive incremental changes you can. Things will never be “fixed,” but they could very likely be a little bit better tomorrow if you just knew how to get there.

So much of it is learning about yourself and training yourself to think and process things in a way that benefits you.

A lot of the things that have stuck with me over the years have been aspects of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), the Buddhist take on meditation (stepping back and observing yourself, your feelings, and especially your desires), and stoic philosophy (the world can do shit to me, but how it affects my life is largely up to how I react to it).

Again, thinking mostly of mental health here. None of this will fix your condition or mine, but it very likely can change their effect on your mental state.

[–] Captain_Waffles@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, like I'm not that bad all the time, usually I'm pretty okay, and can live my life fairly normally, but when it gets bad it's BAD. And when that happens I can't push anything, physically or mentally, I just have to rest. I go for walks when I'm up to it, try to have some semblance of a routine, eat fairly healthy, get some exercise, hang out with friends, all that stuff. I'm actually doing way better than I was a few years ago. I still have a long way to go, but I've already come a long long way. I still end up in a slump quite often, but it's in general an upward trajectory. I count that as a victory. Not in the "I'm accepting that this is the end" way, but in the "hell yeah I came this far" way.

[–] Zink@programming.dev 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Right there with you! I remember saying multiple times in appointments that as long as my trajectory has a positive slope, I can’t be unhappy with my progress.

[–] Captain_Waffles@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

Yep, like at one point only needing my rescue med three times a week was an improvement. I can only take it three times a week, and would just have to suffer waiting till I could take more. Then it was two doses a week, and now at about 1.5. It's not good, but it's better. I'm not expecting miracles, I know it's incurable, but I'll still try for better.