No Stupid Questions

Do different pickle varieties play into this at all? IE there’s pickles with little bits of pepper, dill, garlic etc. Those things must add some nutritional value at least

maybe eat some vitamin pills too. it's what i do, when i venture on week long junk food or preserves feasts. i also, sometimes take some minerals like magnesium, but just one pill after like 3 days or so if i think i didn't get enough. it prevents cramps to have the minerals balanced

vinegar pickles or pickled foods? lactofermented foods are technically pickles and I've seen quite a bit of pickled meat. pickling is a food preservation method, you dont need high levels of sodium, though it certainly helps.

No fat, no protein. You’d starve to death in a matter of weeks. Assuming you have fresh water to drink.

It would vary quite a bit depending on the person and the circumstances.

First, I'm assuming you're talking about brine pickled cucumbers based on the context, but brining isn't the only way to make pickles and cucumbers aren't the only thing you can make pickles from.

I think 2 of the biggest considerations here would be whether I have access to clean, fresh water and whether I'm in good health, with no major health issues.

If I don't have access to fresh water, then I wouldn't eat the pickles to begin with. And I would probably only have a matter of days to live.

If I had major health issues that would be potentially fatal without medical treatment, then that would probably be the limiting factor in how long I survive and would be dependent on the condition.

If I do have access to fresh water, I would give the pickles a lengthy soak (or even boil them if I could) before I ate them. That would mitigate at least some of the concerns about too much sodium. I could further mitigate some of the concerns by ensuring that I'm drinking lots of water (at least I would assume that would help somewhat).

I've read that the average person can go without any food for at least a month or two (with 3 weeks being the minimum), so if I did my sodium mitigation, then I would expect to at least survive at the upper limit of that. From a purely caloric standpoint, the average pickling cucumber (not that there really is such a thing as average/standard) is something like 20 - 50 calories each, and I feel like that alone would extend the window of survivability.

No

Would eating Pickle Rick be extra calories?

Easy. If I was trapped in a recently abandoned pickle factory, then I would survive on the food in the staff canteen, starting with what had just been prepared, such as pizza and sandwiches; after a day or so I would move on to see what was in the refrigerators, and finally work my way up to the frozen food. Oh, by the way, when they abandoned the factory, they forgot to turn off the power, so all the perishables are still nicely preserved.

Also, lots of things can be pickled, not just cucumbers. The word “pickles” makes me immediately think of pickled onions. There is usually quite a bit of sugar in the picking vinegar.