memes

Subject: your billing statement is now available

Body: Log on to our website because we couldn't possibly JUST FUCKING TELL YOU HOW MUCH ELECTRICITY OR WHATEVER YOU USED THIS MONTH DIRECTLY IN THE E-MAIL; no, we've got to play fucking games and make you do extra work and stop you from automatically having a record of your shit without having to deliberately log on to the platform we control and download them individually with 30 seconds worth of clicking between each one.

WTF is even the point of the email if there's NO USEFUL INFORMATION IN IT?!

https://zombo.com/

What the hell is BONTO! I don't remember making an account on BONTO! Why do I have a BONTO! account is someone impersonating me WAS MY EMAIL HACKED??? Oh wait it's just a rebrand of that one website that forced me to create an account 10 years ago.

Email is the original Fediverse.

Remember when mail was useful? When you opened the letter box hoping to see a letter from a friend who moved to a different city?

Now mail is just like email. Or to put it differently, email became like it's physical predecessor.

I legit got an e-mail from Facebook telling me that I should join Facebook because “no one uses e-mail anymore”. Ummmm…..well someone must be still using e-mail and No.

My current personal hell is

Log in to use Splurp™️!

USERNAME: Bongo Password: Schleeb209-!AA12

An E-Mail has been sent to Bongo@bingus.gov with a link to sign in [click link] Please confirm with 2FA!

Now do this again every fucking hour on this service you use all day you fucking cow.

The same could be said for anything, really.

I remember when phones used to be good. Now it's all

• We have important information about your car's warranty.
• Here's information on new solar panel installation that doesn't work with your home / location.
• You've been selected to answer a quick 15 question survey.

I remember when mail used to be good. Now it's all

• I'm a disgraced Nigerian prince and I need your help to protect my multi-million dollar fortune.
• Here's all the important sales WalMart is having this week! Don't miss out!
• Here's your electricity bill that you're enrolled in auto-pay for. No action is needed on your part, but we're sending you this 12-page summary anyway.

[quick look at my gmail]... I currently have 781 unread messages in my inbox.

They forgot the newsletters you get twice a day* (*thrice if you opted out of newsletters) and the deluge of spam when everyone at Bonto sold your email address while they were going out of business.

Don't forget

• "BONTO! is sneakily roping you into a binding private arbitration clause because they're planning to do some real shady shit that'll affect a critical mass of users!

(At the bottom of the email)

...You can still opt to use the public justice system that already exists if you disagree with this. You simply must send your disagreement in writing upon a clay tablet delivered by a specific courier to a remote P.O Box in Illinois within the next 72 business hours.

Mail is made so much better when using an alias system like SImpleLogin from Proton. Just create a new mail for everything (except Atlassian the idiots) and when they start doing bullshit you can terminate the email.

Enabling OTP code 2FA will also reduce the verification emails

Specifically make sure that the "subscribe to newsletter and offers" is NOT checked.

Get a marketing email from them within 24 hours anyway.