Ask Lemmy

Stressed about finances, I splurged on a few things that were not essential, but were wanted for varying reasons, some sentimental, some out of sheer practicality in that treating myself is a good thing every once in a while. Now my budgets blown for at least a month or so until I can rebuild the savings I dipped into.

I'm doing good, though I spent the whole last 48 hours working on a tiny, tiny writing project so I could get it exact, and it might not even lead to anything. The things I do when I need to sleep.

I'm barely getting by. Too burnt and overwhelmed out to do things that make living feel more worth it, or to get on top of the backlog that's dragging me down. I've just been in survival mode for too long, and I feel like I've forgotten how to live — how to be me. I desperately need some aims that can give me a sense of forward momentum and act as a thread that connects different days, but my capacity is so low that even the basics of daily living are too ambitious for me to reliably do right now.

I've got a long history of struggling with suicidal ideation and I do worry that some day, I'll just break and won't be able to stop myself from making an attempt. In the past, when I have struggled and made attempts on my life, it was because I chose to stop being alive. This feels different because even when I'm at my lowest, I do desperately want to live, but I feel like it isn't my choice. Either I will or won't be enough, and to some extent, all I can do is wait and see. That limbo is what's getting to me though; it's why goals are good for me — they keep me focussed on where I want to be heading and this grounds me.

In terms of how people could help, I don't think they're is anything, besides continuing to be the lovely people y'all are. The world is grim, but I'm actually in a pretty healthy place re: social media usage — the people here remind me of the power of human connection. Anyone reading this doesn't need to direct me to mental health resources, because I have actually started receiving support on that front. It's just that unpicking a heckton of trauma and rebuilding a life from scratch is a lot of pressure; it's hard to feel like life itself isn't just saying "git gud, scrub", when the ordeal of getting on top of everything is so arduous.

Doing great, working hard at work and saving as much as I can. Helping my girlfriend come to the US for a year or two so we can pad the savings further and GTFO. Big plans for starting a business later on so we can get a bigger slice of the pie, and exercising/gaming for downtime.

Even if I don't like it here, I've worked out a good future plan filled with contingencies. Very lucky to have my opportunities, not gonna squander them 🙏

I had my first manic episode a couple weeks ago that put me in the hospital. Honestly it was terrifying, but I'm very thankful for my friends, family, med team, and some Internet strangers that made me reevaluate my lemmy instance. I've been recovering and truthfully feeling a lot better. I'm working on getting decent sleep again, but otherwise feeling good

My work life although crazy I still love, my church and my friends there are the light of my life. I love my dogs, my elderly pug is having some problems but it is what it is, my other dog is perfection and pure badness. My beloved aunt didn't need any oncology treatment after a bowel resection for cancer and is back to her normal self and turns 87 soon and is totally independent and still leads backstage tours at the local theater. Those are the good things.

Bad:

1. I'm grateful I have my second job for the income and the flexibility and work from home, but I'm also so, so tired of having to work two jobs. It's been 20 years. While my asshole SO watches hockey for three hours a night.
2. I don't have any money, and I don't know how I'll ever retire.
3. My SO is a malignant narcissist and sociopath, and the only reason we're still living together is because of money, because he's fucked my finances so totally. He spends all his time trying to think of ways to torment me, to the pettiest degree. Last weekend he called me a deceptive little cunt and insisted I'm withholding money from my day job paycheck. I absolutely am not and it's just the way my benefits and union dues come off, one pay is about 150 less than the other. He only communicates with me when he has to, and he's psychotic about everything and almost hit me for changing the temperature setting in our car. I have no money to leave and it's so bad, I don't know how I can continue. I have nowhere to go.

can Internet strangers do anything to help?

Thank you for asking, sincerely, but if Internet strangers tear into me for just having my comments have licensing footer text, there's no way I'm going to start stating any of my real issues that I'm dealing with, for them to judge.

~This~ ~comment~ ~is~ ~licensed~ ~under~ ~CC~ ~BY-NC-SA~ ~4.0~

Okay I guess.

I've got a tweaked muscle in my back from helping my mom move some heavy furniture around last weekend still. Other than that I have no major complaints about life at the moment.

I do have the minor complaint that people like you think anyone who holds even one single stance that is slightly right of center is a full blown conservative (even when they have never voted red in their lives), but you walked away from that thread to make this post just like most people on this site do when they don't know what to say to me anymore.

So far Lemmy users seem to think there are "normal" people who are exactly like them (which is extremely far left) and then anyone who is even slightly right of that is considered a nazi conservative racist Republican shitbag that deserves to die.

But other than those things life is peachy. How about you?

Also waffles>French toast> pancakes