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Yes. 110% a turn off. It sounds like you have a lot of issues and baggage you need to sort out and that is a massive red flag to me and I'd imagine it is for most people.
Making others unwilling participants in your personal issues is a sure-fire way to ensure none of your relationships last.
Uh, are you trolling? Anger is a form of aggression, and, no, people don't like being around people who are aggressive to them. I mean, it might be okay if the two of you were MMA fighters and the aggression only took place in the ring - but people want to be about to relax with their friends. Being around someone who is repeatedly aggressive toward them is not relaxing, so people will leave you.
No, I’m being serious. I don’t get why because I have these two friends who are willing to talk about how much they hate hanging out with people and how useless other people are. Besides, as much as I’ve tried to work on it, I’m still angry, so my friends should love me for that like I love them. I also don’t have much empathy and don’t really understand nuances/what affects people.
they hate hanging out with people and how useless other people are.
God damn, talk about anti social tendencies leaking into a mental health condition
Why do you want friends if you hate people?
"...when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that)."
You should note that you are talking about your anger which you recognize is a problem for you and others. Yes it is a turn off.
You might currently lack the awareness and skill set to control your mood but this is something you can develop through therapy. It is literally what therapy is for. I hope you find what you need to resolve your anger.
Edit: You might find after having a discussion with a therapist that "your reasons" for being angry may not be justified or might be inappropriate responses due to things entirely unrelated to the matter at hand.
So I'm in a similar-ish situation to you in that I process emotions differently to other people and think a lot of what characterizes normal communication is burdensome, though in my case I appear more as cold or insensitive than angry. With that in mind, I'll say this:
My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
You're correct. If someone was being an ass to me all the time I wouldn't want to be around them either. You have to understand the differences between your thinking and that of people around you (which is easier said than done; I've been and still am there), and with that understanding decide how much you intend to adjust your behavior to account for those differences. The spectrum here has two extremes; one is changing nothing about your behavior and the other is to completely go against your instincts and do everything you can to appear as a normal person to the other side. Where you land on this spectrum is ultimately up to you, but it's up to other people whether they'll stick around or leave you, so it's a trade-off and you'll have to decide how much you're willing to make it. Of course, remember the golden rule and don't do things you know will hurt the other person. Also:
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
This is an exception to everything I've said above. It's just misogyny, no two ways about it. It's not up to you what "the best version" of a woman (or anyone else) is, or whether or not they should be that.
you are trippinggg
This reads like OP is slightly delusional
At some point if you are making people uncomfortable, they won't be around you... no matter how "right" you are.
and that's why I am here 🤡
Yes, inability to control your mood, constantly screaming at people, being pissed off and aggressive basically all the time, and being a rude asshole all the time is a major turn off.
I grew up in a family like this, dated a good number of people like this, then eventually figured out: Oh, I have CPTSD and low self esteem from being chronically abused by most of the people in my life, for most of my life, I don't actually have to put up with their bullshit.
You sound extremely reminiscent of my abusive female ex-partners, full of rage, suspicious of and less friendly toward women (likely because you view them all as competition and/or incompetent), and most importantly, you're a completely unnacountable and irresponsible narcissist hypocrite.
You do understand why people don't react well to you being aggressive and pissy all the time.
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them.
This reveals that you do understand that your friend doesn't like it when you are aggressive.
But you rationalize away your aggressiveness as the cause of your friend avoiding you with the intention underlying your action.
Your intention doesn't matter.
What you actually do, how you actually do it is what matters.
If I perform a surgery with the intention of saving someone's life, but I fuck up when I use a chainsaw instead of a scalpel to make the initial incision, my patient is now dead, and I am responsible, regardless of my intention.
...
No one has any obligation to deal with your anger issues other than you.
No one owes you their friendship or affection, de facto, just because you believe they do.
You should seek intensive therapy, probably look for a CBT specialist, at the very least, learn how to self reflect and apologize for doing things that make others flee from you...
...otherwise you'll soon find that your anger issues do indeed affect you, by making you unable to have any healthy relationships with anyone, leaving all the people you care about no longer caring about you.
EDIT:
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
People are not misintrepeting you, and you know it.
I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
You state that you are upset, ie, prone to a rude or aggressive interaction 90% of the time.
People are not misinterpreting your behavior.
Your behavior is abusive 90% of the time, and you just think that's everyone else's problem, not yours.
... Would you want to be friends with someone who is pissed off and abusive 90% of the time?
Honest, serious question:
Are you capable of actually imagining interactions with yourself from the other person's point of view?
Can you do that, mentally transport yourself into someone else's shoes, without immediately adding in all the rationalizations that you didn't actually communicate, that only exist in your head?
To be honest, not really, that’s why I ask these sorts of things and don’t know how to fix it. I can’t understand tone or nuance, I don’t feel guilty about things (my sense of right or wrong is only determined by competence and what benefits me, and also what people tell me is wrong.)
I can imagine it slightly, but I have trouble caring that it hurts them. (I know it’s wrong but I don’t feel bad)
I got kicked off a team, but I knew my behavior had a bad impact because someone told me it did. I only knew bullying was wrong when it happened to me. If it gets me more friends, it’s not wrong. If it makes people hate me, it is wrong, but it’s also on them because I don’t deserve this type of treatment.
Have you looked into Stocism?
For the most part, yes. For the parts that are a no, they are going to be really unhealthy and chaotic relationships. It definitely depends on the person, but this can be a very challenging social dynamic. It sounds pretty chaotic and I am not sure how many people would be able to deal with that day by day.
To your last point, emotional communication is always tough and it's really hard to piece things together to get your thoughts across when tensions are high. I think that coming from a mindset of refining and explaining, to yourself first and then to others, why you feel a certain way or did a certain action could be a good start.
Additionally, a lot of people do not respond well to "tough love". I would argue that for the majority of scenarios, it's one of the least successful ways to go about showing support and care for someone else. Setting clear and respectful boundaries is one thing, but providing only conditional support is a great way to tank a relationship and have someone distrust you. I think it's also helpful to unpack why you feel you need to act that way with people you care about. For me, that took a lot of work (still does) and goes back to my relationship with my dad (which has its positives and negatives, a lot of which we've worked through over the years).
One of the most important ideas I've come across with communication is that you should ask yourself if your actions are helping you meet your goals in the conversation. If you really want to build a strong, trusting, relationship with someone, that's going to look wildly different to the actions you would take if you really want to distance yourself from someone. And if you mess up with how you presented yourself or how you meant to come across, address it as soon as you possibly can. Clear communication is key and being clear with yourself and your goals/wants/needs/preferences is the start of that.
Hope that helps lol good luck out there. There's a lot of happiness to bring to the world if you work toward it.
Edit:
For the most part, yes. For the parts that are a no, they are going to be really unhealthy and chaotic relationships.
Have you explored your anger issues and addressed root causes? If not, anything will continue to trigger you and yes, that's an issue.
as someone who’s not psychotic but experienced symptoms similar to a psychotic break from ages 16-17 (idk what it was but it involved around 2-week severe periods of mood swings [mainly anxiety, anger, or euphoria] and depression, people suspected bpd or bipolar but neither was confirmed), i can say that i would also constantly post stuff repeatedly, look for advice, and also felt unfixable (“this is the way i am”).
i have no clue if you’re experiencing what i did or anything similar to psychosis, i’m just sharing that i’m quite concerned for you.
(i also must note that I didn’t find other people useless during this period)