Ask Lemmy

Save your energy, reduce sugar and glutene, sleep well, reduce distractions, exercise.

Also what you said to not tell you.

Hello. I am 51 and have been battling chronic, often severe, depression since 1989. I also found "professional help" ineffective on the psychology side and ultimately harmful on the psychiatry side (meds)...for me. I understand that they are helpful for most, but no two people are the same.

I have found that there is no one thing you can do. There is no "silver bullet". It will likely take a number of techniques and solutions in conjunction and others only when needed. Here are a few that might help, or might not.

• Fitness and Exercise - Yes, I know. The last thing you want to do is torture yourself further but, the effects can be immediate. Sometimes a strength and cardio workout can give you enough of a chemical kick in the ass to help you through at least part of your day.

• Bullet Journaling - Journaling is the most useful tip I got from a therapist, but it wasn't until I tried Bullet Journaling that I saw its potential. It is very easy to get lost in ourselves and lose all hope of anything ever being better. Keeping a journal, especially one as detailed and focused on your well-being as a bullet journal, can really help you realize tye progress you have made. It can also help you evaluate your past states of mind and possibly find relationships between those states of mind and things you have done. Maybe you notice a pattern between depressive episodes and eating steak or broccoli or chats with your sister, etc. Don't scoff, depression is fucking weird. Anyway, I highly recommend reading The Bullet Journal Method by Ryder Carroll. If money is an issue, you can probably find it in you local library system, used book stores, or 🏴‍☠️ if you must. I bought a copy used on Amazon for $6.

• Quit Alcohol - Sorry. Depression and alcohol consumption are besties and every time they get together, you pay the price. Not much more to say than that.

• Microdose - I personally don't think it is a good idea to get full on high. Again, we are not identical robots. Everyone has a different bio-chemical system, but abuse of any one substance never tends to work out well. That said, microdosing weed literally saved my life. I won't go into details but chronic and severe insomnia had me a the edge of suicide. The meds I was being given were not helping and they were literally stealing "me" from myself. Two puffs from a vape pen before bed (not enough to get me proper high) gave me a solid five to six hours of sleep (I was getting 60-90 minutes before).

• Diet - Eat as clean as you can. The less processed food and ingredients the better (looking at you sugar). Eat balanced. Instead of making meat the centerpiece of the meal, try making the enhancement. Lots of greens, legumes, fruit, etc, on your plate to go along with your small piece of protein. EDIT: This one is important not only for nutrition but also because of your microbiome. There is increasing evidence of links between microbiotic gut health and mental health. But also, you need good nutrition.

• Hydrate - I struggle with this one too.

• Interact with others in person - I am not saying that you need friends and family, or that you need to surround yourself by loving relationships, etc. All that sounds great, but isn't on the cards for many people. It also comes with the risk of introducing toxic people or relationships into your life. What I mean is, try to make an effort to engage with the humans around you, even if it is superficial. I small talk with my cashier at the market, my waiter, etc. I try to engage with others as often as I can. It is low risk because if they don't respond you can move on and you will never see them again, and even if you do, they will likely not remember you. Just don't keep trying with that one person if it didn't work previously. Don't be creepy. The point is that our stupid monkey brains need that. We do not do well with absolute isolation.

• Sunlight - You need it.

• Recognize and remove toxic people and relationships from your orbit - The word "orbit" is on purpose. I do mean directly from your life, that should be obvious, but I also mean from your vicinity. Maybe you hang with someone who's nice but they are in a toxic relationship. You don't need that energy around you, especially if that person is just an acquaintance (we overuse the word friend when we often mean close acquaintance). This might sound cold but you need to save yourself before you even think about trying to save others. Otherwise your depressed ass might do more harm than good.

Remember, these are just opinions. No two people are the same. You need to find what works for you.

I found the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns to be extremely helpful. It teaches you the most common method therapists use (cognitive behavior therapy). Like therapy, you need to continually practice it for it to be useful.

Practicing mindfulness can also be very beneficial.

If it's available in your area, Ketamine therapy (not recreational ketamine) has been shown to act as a rapid antidepressant. In the US, there are at home ketamine providers that you can consult online. There's a popular low-dose provider that includes provider visits and medication for $129/month, if you qualify.

It’s so ironic how almost everyone tells you to go get professional help, but I guess that’s the best option.

One simple thing you can do is workout. It’s physically painful so you can forget about the harsh reality for a moment, plus you’ll become (physically) healthier.

You're probably in a better place than most severely depressed people because you think that you can get better! Probably the best thing to do is keep a growth mindset and try to learn as much as you can about depression. Getting over depression is a journey.

Lots of other people have said running & friends, those things help me. But recently/now I am depressed and running 40 miles a week and seeing my friends regularly.

What's a really cheap solution? Pirate some bibliotherapy books! Feeling good by David D. Burns is older, but I'm reading it right now and it seems like a really solid CBT book. I would also recommend "Adult children of emotionally immature parents". It helped me understand why I am the way I am

The hardest part for me is noticing when my thoughts are turning situations from good or neutral into bad situations. Paying attention to your thoughts in an objective way is hard! But some sort of mindfulness practice can help.

Journaling can be useful! You can train your brain to look for good things by writing out 3 good things that happened or you did every night.

If you have depression with a medical cause, the only solution is going to be medicine.

I had depression for about 20 years and ignored it because I thought it would be too expensive and complicated.

One time I mentioned it to my GP at my free annual checkup. He wrote me a script for Lexapro. Even when I didn't have insurance, it has never cost over $20 for a month supply.

It has been worth countless times that to me, and one of my biggest regrets was not just asking sooner and assuming and taking other people's word it was complicated and expensive to get help.

As mentioned in another reply, try the teledoc and see if they can give you something. There are a few cheap types these days so you can hopefully get one that works for you.

Best of luck, it is truly life changing!

• LLMs make decent therapists. Try CharacterAI or even just assign a therapist persona to ChatGPT (makes it more accurate - e.g. "You are an experienced psychologist with experience in the following therapies..."). This is both solo and affordable.
• Look into books you can read about managing your mental health.
• There are loads of apps out there that can help you with your depression, e.g. supplement your flagging executive function, remind you to practice rejection of useless self-castigation, help you check in with how you're feeling, etc.
• Go outside at least once a day.
• Exercise at least once a day for half an hour.
• Set small and manageable goals, and make sure you speak to yourself positively when you achieve the goal, no matter how small.

These are all admittedly easier said than done when you're depressed, but they are better than nothing, especially if you weren't doing anything in these areas earlier.

You don't have to go to a specialist to get antidepressants; many GPs will prescribe them if you ask. I also see a lot of online clinics offering prescriptions without an in-person appointment, but I don't have personal experience with that. The standard antidepressants are fairly safe and I wouldn't be too worried about side effects to take them without a psychiatrist's supervision. Nothing except antidepressants worked to end my depressive episodes, as opposed to making them easier to bear.

Other than that, what helped me most was realizing that I couldn't trust my own thoughts. It's hard, because generally "X is true" and "I think X is true" are subjectively the same thing. When I went through periods of depression, I sincerely believed that I had never been happy and that my depression would never end, but as a matter of fact I had been happy (or at least reasonably content) for most of my life and prior episodes of depression had ended. Being able to realize that I had actually been happy and probably would be again, despite what felt true in that moment, made depression much more bearable.

Another key intervention for me was moving closer to my family. It felt like a huge defeat (here I was, an adult who couldn't handle living on his own) but I told myself "plan based on who you are, not who you wish you were". Having supportive people around helped a lot; when I'm depressed I don't want to be around other people but that is actually the wrong strategy. "I just want to be alone" is one of those thoughts that I shouldn't trust.

Finally, a really useful mental strategy is to consider what advice you would give to a good friend in a situation similar to your own, and then to act on that advice yourself. My depression was accompanied by a great deal of self-loathing but that loathing didn't extend to my friends (even my imaginary friends). I found that I often knew exactly what advice I would give a friend, and it wasn't to do what I had been planning to do.

Very unsuccessfully, I've been fighting this fight for over 30 years in and out of the care of doctors, luckily right now I have insurance so I'm just out copays and whatever fees the psychiatrist's office decides to send my way but it's worth it because I'm stable. Without professional help I pile on distractions, hobbies, overwork, volunteering, etc. Not a healthy coping strategy, I've tried to kill myself twice (the last time earned me a 4 day medically induced coma) and been put on psychiatric hold. I know you said poor people can't afford it but there are clinics where I live that deal almost exclusively with the homeless, if they can find a way to help them they may be able to help people in better financial positions who still can't afford treatment on their budget.

Edit: to address your question more productively, one of the things I've been doing on my own is writing to myself. I have been thinking about my situation and identifying behaviors that I need to change. When I go through my days I don't really consider my actions but when sit and really think about it I can see what I am doing that is toxic, then when I start to do it again it's easier to identify in the moment and attempt to alter whatever I would have previously done, e.g. when I am frustrated with something one of my kids has done I used to yell quite a lot, now I excuse myself to a quiet place, calm down a bit, and then go back to address their behavior. I haven't even seen my counselor since my last suicide attempt (less than 3 weeks ago) but I found that this has helped me immensely.

1. Sadness and depression are chemical events in your brain that you have no conscious control over
2. You can consciously control some of the common triggers that lead to negative thoughts but most people can't completely turn off given thoughts
3. Your brain is like the earth and thoughts are like rivers, the more you think certain ways the more you will continue to think those ways, neural pathways are strengthened by their activations

Learn to redirect, wear a bracelet or similar physical reminder of a specific thing you like, when you experience the thoughts you want to avoid, redirect and focus on the things you like

Change your environment, identify triggers that push you toward depression and avoid them. Some literally cannot be avoided, and some situations are impossible to escape, in those cases accept the associated negativity and redirect

Find people who have the attitudes and feelings you want to emulate and spend time with them, we are social and learn much from our peers

Ingest media that aligns with your desired world view, avoid tragedies, horror movies, gore, popular doom news media, etc. This will force you into an echo chamber but it is a popular coping technique

Most important you are your own person, write down how you feel and what triggered those emotions every day. You can't really know if you're improving if you don't have a record

Steps

1. Have hope. Believe that it's possible to get better.
2. Practice. Try something, anything, that might actually help.
3. Keep going. Maintain the ritual, show up to practice, keep trying.
4. Reflect. At some point if it's not working that's fine go to step 1.

imo, it takes a kind of effort to be constantly "aware" and "battling/ avoiding" depression. it would be nice if the brain just auto-switches in battle-mode but that's not its natural state.

As for how I battle my own, I do hobbies like plants, walking and reading; and sleeping. Sometimes I do cheat days.

Telling myself: "There will be better days ahead". Repeating that motto in the darkest moments helped a bit. Reading the stories of people who experienced depression but pulled through. And lastly, keeping busy. It's not ideal, but doing anything that requires focus kept me from introspecting. And that ended badly generally.

Mindfulness, if you can get your hands on it, read Why Buddhism is True.

Severe treatment resistant depression here, not able to be controlled through medication, will never feel good yadda yadda.

I find goal setting is very important. "I just have to make it to X" then just move the goal post.

Exercise every day. Eat decent food and get good sleep. Practice mediation. Find artistic hobbies that you enjoy.

I know your point. Access to professional help is a privilege that few have.

I think next best thing is socialising. There's probably groups in your area (see social media for that, meetup, Facebook, forums) that meet up and talk. I highly recommend in-person meetings. Also I tried giving my body some help with food. Carbs give you some serotonin.

• Go on a run a couple times a week. I honestly hate running, but I always feel loads better after going on a run. Just start with 6 stints of 30 seconds with a 2 minute break in between and build up from there. It might not be a long term solution, but will definitely help get you through some tough days.

• Online there are also lots of free resources available. There are a lot of chatrooms and phone numbers available for people that are struggling. Even if your particular country doesn’t offer any, you can always just chat/call with foreign resources.

• Try mindfulness. At first it might take a couple tries to find what works for you, but there are many apps and videos online that all have a different approach. I personally use the Balance app for the free year they offer and found that 3 or 4 of their mindfulness exercises really help me out every time I feel depressed or anxious etc.

Do you think you would be not depressed if there was something different about your life or yourself at they are right now?

That's the neat part, I don't.

I think the usual recs are things like start small and consistent and take care of your physical health (not over/under sleeping, good diet and exercise, keeping yourself and home clean, etc), hobbies, cultivate relationships, etc but if you're not able to take the steps to make those things happen you may need a professional's help who can offer things like talk therapy, behavior therapy, medicine, etc. i.e. If I have a sprained ankle I can keep weight off it and wrap it to let it heal, but if it's a break I'd need a doctor to maybe set the break and cast it to get it to heal properly, similar for mental health some stuff you can do yourself but some stuff takes someone else trained to heal or help identify the difference between the two.

It's hard but doable.

There are couple of things that can synergize with each other, so you don't need to do one thing perfectly, you can make some progress in one and move one to the next one.

step zero: (eat sleep exercise)

eating well will help you sleep and exercising sleeping will help you exercising and eating at regular interwals exercising will help you sleep and burning the food

step one: (become hobbist psychologist)

Read some books: "What happened to you by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey" - you can download ebooks from piracy sites

Youtube lectures: "heathy gamer gg" was particulary helpful for me but it has some (IMO) minor controversies and innacuracies. Still VERY helpful to get started.

Seek profesional doctors as the likes of Andrew Tate are also targeting depressed men (all people on the internet are men until proven otherwise)

step two: (emotional awerness)

Develop emotional inteligence. There are couple of techniques there that you will discover in step one That will help you train your inteligence.

Journaling, meditation, etc. are some of them

step three: (discover life and who you are)

this will come naturally after step two. You will need to seek new experiences.

step four: (build life worth living and build your purpose)

[I am at this stage so I can't really help you much, but everything that I have learned is helping me immensely]

I found gaining an interest in hobbies that are difficult gave me a will to live. I want to experience mastering all of these crafts that take decades to master.

Cooking, drawing, woodworking. Becoming a master of just one is hard enough, so every minute is extremely precious. I try to spend as much time as possible practicing and learning.

I can't think of suicide because I worked so hard to male this much progress, and I still want to experience my other hobbies.

One's craft helps one's life. An old Japanese saying.

Reading internal family systems by Richard Schwartz, watching videos by sadhguru, taking time to try to follow the threads of “intrusive thoughts,” by trying to sit in them while focusing on my breath and trying really hard not to think in words, trying to listen to myself rather than talk to myself in my head.

I do also see a therapist, and he helps talk through things that paralyze me from making decisions.

Recently someone recommended a book about this topic. I haven't read it (yet), but I found the title quite fascinating. It was in German, so I'm trying to translate:

"Do not believe everything that you think".

I hear you. Not just in money but in time as well. Its very different when your situation is the cause of depression as loosing what little freetime and money you have to try and treat it is just adding fuel to the fire. Meditation. Buddhism as a philosophy, trying to get away from modern corp bs. Its easy to say and harder to do but there is a mindset. You want cheap and easy food treats and media so its easy to say hey its worth getting pick up food or paying for a streaming service. If you can realize how much nicer a clean environment is and how enjoyable it can be to make a nice meal from simple ingredients. Walks, preferably in nature, are great. If you get to a certain point you will despise the smartphone, the fast food, the monthly non necessities. OMG take a hot long bath if you have a tub. Embrace what you can.

Prescription drugs. Schedule an appointment with the doctor and they will have you fill out a couple questionnaires and discuss options. Medication is free with most insurance

I'm not sure if I was clinically depressed or not. But I definitely went through a couple months where I wasn't feeling myself. My GF moved in with me this year and I thought it was just me adjusting with a new "roommate".

I eventually realized it was the house. It was a mess and that was what making me feel depressed because it was hard to talk to someone about being a slob if you loved them.

So I guess maybe think hard about things that have changed and when you were happy and see what you can do to change them?

I know it's probably not great advice but it's free and it worked for me

Walks, lots and lots of long walks. Sometimes 3 or more per day. I take my dog with me and he loves it. Seeing his smile while walking brings me a lot of joy.

Does it cute my depression? No

Does it help? Absolutely

Other than that, as many projects/ crafts as i can do. I make myself start painting even when I don't want to. Before I know it 30 minutes has passed and im balls deep in painting. Again, does it help yes, cure ? No

sing. doesn't matter what you sing or how well.