You have to make your own meaning in life, because nobody else is going to do it for you.
this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2023
44 points (84.4% liked)
Asklemmy
44156 readers
1024 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
Oh there are plenty who would like to do it for you!
Some are sincere, some are downright exploitative.
Your advice is still the best way to go.
And our default state is to have no meaning. So if you feel like you haven't found yours and then you feel lost as a result, there's no need to be.
The endless pursuit of meaning or purpose can actually make you more unhappy.
Meaning comes through relationship. There's no point for a pen to exist if there's nothing to be written. The purpose of the pen is to write. The purpose of humans is to relate
What good is a pen without ink?
Relying on another person for happiness isn't a healthy relationship (either plutonic or romantic). There's a reason that "you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else" is such a common phrase.
It's kind of obvious but when troubleshooting really try to think about things logically "What works? What doesn't work?" goes a long way.
It's pretty easy to get worked up and take leaps like "This printer must be broken" for example but if you think about the processes along the way it can help. Are there any signs of life? Has this ever worked? Did it work on a different computer? Is the cable fine? And so on.
Basically taking a step back and being more methodical.
Along this same train: critical thinking.
“Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action.”
https://www.criticalthinking.org/pages/defining-critical-thinking/766
Learn how to think critically and you can do damn near anything from diagnosing car problems to understanding complex economic issues. You’ll improve your communication, your understanding, and your ability to handle the world around you. It’s where open minded meets level headed.
There is a alternative for this. It’s called Rubber Ducking.
Basically if you can break it down so you can explain it to a rubber duck (preferably on your desk) then you probably can find the issue. :)
In the absence of a rubber duck a co-worker will do!
Alan Watts's backwards law:
The more you try to grab a hold of something, the more it slips through your fingers. Trying to become happy makes you miserable because pursuing it only reinforces the fact that you're not there yet. The more you try to be wealthy, the poorer you will feel regardless of how much money you actually have. The more you try to control your feelings and the things around you, the more anxiety you will accumulate. Love flows to those who stop running after it and feel OK with where they are right now. Trying to make others love you will only distance them.
Suffering is the gap between where you are now and and what you desire. Let go, accept and enjoy where you are right now. Change is constant, but if you're always chasing some other state than you're already in you will never be fulfilled.
There's a special plant in my heart for Alan Watts ☺
A friend had this mantra of "You do you." that I've really embraced. Stop giving a shit about the things you don't agree with or views other people are into. I'm not looking to change minds, just being personally receptive and open is enough for me.
In line with that one: you don't have to have an opinion on everything
There's this push sometimes to pick a side, rank the options, etc. We don't have to do that. The world is complex, and being ok with that is ok :)
Focus your mental and emotional energy on the things that truly matter to you, while also remaining open to learning and growing through the perspectives of others
"Pretend your nipples are laser guns, and try to shoot people you see on the street in the head. It does wonders for your posture."
As someone with a horrible posture, I found this "game" to be surprisingly effective.
Contrary to what I (you) think, most other people are just as smart as me (you), their opinions and behavior that I (you) think are stupid are based on their personal life events and experiences, instead of labeling them "morons" it's better for me (you) to try to understand where they come from and why they think and act the way they do.
Also: if I don't realise how stupid I was yesterday, that means I still am today.
Just be a good motherfucker, and treat all humans with respect and dignity.
Except u/spez. Prick.
Moderation in all things.
To avoid negative thinking, challenge the thought that a problem is personal, pervasive or permanent (Martin Seligman)
Parenting: Set a good example. Don’t punish. Teach. Tell them what TO do, not what not to do.
Having ideas about the way things ought to be is great, but you can only respond to what is.
Be excellent to each other. Do as you would be done by.
You should concentrate your efforts to live, not just survive.
Arguments aren't about winning. You will almost never convince someone your arguing with. Treat it more like a chance to better understand and strengthen your beliefs through putting them up to criticism and an opportunity to learn about a view you disagree with. I've found I have gained much more from arguments doing this. You can find flaws in your argument faster than doing it yourself, and you can fully understand the opposite opinion, it's line of logic, assumptions, and where it comes from, to truly understand why it is wrong. And you never know, that seed of doubt planted by a good argument could eventually change your or your opponents mind.
This is why online arguments suck. The other person often won't use critical thinking and just spout the same points regurgitated from their own little world, along with some logical fallacies to spice it up.
"Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations".
Look after your back when you're young (unfortunately I didn't take this advice).
Hmm may I ask roughly how many decades you have now and when did the problems first show up?
In my 40s. Probably had slight pains in my mid 20s
Cut out anything that doesn’t bring you joy. Friends always bring you down with drama? Cut them out. Work giving you grief? Look for another job.
Not always easy but establishing boundaries is super important especially for those with White Knight syndrome. You can’t put out others fires if you are aflame.
I am not really agreeing with you on that part. Bad times makes good times feel better and if you are constantly chasing good times you will never reach them since you are never there yet.
Just let it be and you will be fine.
I get what you are saying but life will throw enough bad stuff at you regardless, no need to make it worse with optional toxicity.
E.g. I used to be the person that others would come to with their drama and offer a sympathetic ear from desire to help and do good. Sometimes I offered too much to people who didnt appreciate it. Eventually I had to dial down some relationships or roles to protect myself and prioritise those who are closest and need it most.
Learn to accept the things you cannot change. Have courage enough to change the things you can. Be wise enough to know the difference.
The moon is not made of cheese. Not much point in everybody going there.
The best brake is the accelerator pedal.
Um what? 😅
Don't be a cunt.
Golf is better here…
Love is a verb. Someone told me this years ago and it stuck. You can apply it in the most literal sense in your romantic relationships, familial, and friendships. You can also use the less mushy (and inverse) version “Watch their feet, not their mouthes” in working relationships and more casual acquaintances. The point is, prioritize demonstrating your care for others over expressing it verbally, and evaluate others’ care for you (or for a project, solving a problem, etc.) based on their actual efforts instead of what they say.
Happiness is only real when shared.
Disagree. Being happy on your own is as valid. Some people just like it that way.