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Reason for my depression : Life sucks and I knew it, from my childhood.

I feel better: When I am too busy to think about it. For now, work and family occupies my time mostly. I smile ( = cry ) when I see same depression pattern for my kid.

Imo, you should actively change your situation ( see a doc, have a hobby etc... more importantly, find positive in even small things )

Can you share model details. Also, possible to use while driving/swimming.

Think twice before lending money.

tldr, track record

People are different. Even if 10000% perfect matches, there will be issues in between. Just give sometime.

Multiple solutions are there, like counselling. Understanding each other plays a big role. If you are parents, you gotta hell of responsibilities and less time for arguments.

Thank you for this lengthy reply ! Yes, I do have social anxiety. I do try to break it many times but inherently it is there. Without a very good reason, I will keep it in the comfort zone ( lazyness + anxiety , I guess ).

I may need a set of friends who are not judgemental.

Yes, I do small talk.

Sometimes I want to continue that relation. But, most times 1. I dont remember their face or parts of the talk 2. I just dont actively think about continuing ( Its like I have to put a remainder on that talk - quite dumb ? ) 3. They might be disinterested in the next time ( partly, I believe of silly way of expressing things )

Thanks, that consistency is what I am missing . I used to write notes. But what-if-others-see-my-silly-notes feeling also there.

Yeah, most people are. Some have the luxury of not thinking of it or have lower self expectations.

Edit : Listening to rattle my cage :)

Ok. Any online courses or videos you recommend

Oh... Thanks, mate. Let me check it.

I dont think it's sleep apnea. It's like my processing power is low,or cannot multi task

I snore rarely and get 6-8 hours sleep any day. One I think I feel good about this job , I do not need to think about work tasks at my home, and sleep within 5 minutes I lay on bed :) ( I still hate night shifts , btw ) .

Get drowsy and have to fight nodding off while driving? Do meetings send you to a seemingly impossible fight with staying awake?

Were you having low hours of sleep during these?