ummthatguy

This reads like Deep Thoughts... by Jack Handey

Dude's brilliant.

"I'll have you know that's my knee you're straddling."

Still my favorite Dracula:

"But, Lucy, I'm British."

"So are these!"

Just posted this a bit ago:

"Sean Aloysius O'Brien... They fished his body out of the Allegheny river a week before the strike ended. Thirty two bullets he had in him. Or was it thirty four?" -Miles O'brien

Just a touch of "Do as I say, not as I do", though his overall philosophy is still generally applicable.

Could also be a Highlander style immortal. Let's not rule anything out.

Despair.

Edit: I do appreciate the attempt.