this post was submitted on 13 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

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(page 2) 50 comments
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[–] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 2 points 11 hours ago

To my left is just a door. So I guess I gotta shove a whole door up my ass

[–] Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 11 hours ago

... 40 oz metal water bottle...

[–] Flamekebab@piefed.social 11 points 17 hours ago

looks at radiator dubiously

[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago (2 children)

Idk how to interpret this when I read it while laying on my right side. What's on my left... the sun?

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

You sleeping on a park bench?

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[–] pineapplelover@lemm.ee 1 points 11 hours ago
[–] serpineslair@lemmy.world 10 points 17 hours ago
[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmynsfw.com 7 points 15 hours ago

OK, there's actually a banana to my left, but I already did that today

[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 4 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) (1 children)

Of all guitars, why did I choose a ten-string one

[–] TexMexBazooka@lemm.ee 3 points 14 hours ago

chuckles nervously in double neck

[–] yumyumsmuncher@feddit.uk 3 points 13 hours ago

haha nvidia shield toblerone remote

[–] lunachocken@lemm.ee 2 points 12 hours ago
[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 14 hours ago

The wall? I wonder how that's gonna work

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 15 hours ago

There’s a window, but just outside the window is a tall skinny CACTUS

[–] banazir@lemmy.ml 5 points 15 hours ago (4 children)

Well shit, I guess I have to re-enact 1 man 1 jar...

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 4 points 15 hours ago

Oh lawd not again

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[–] spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 12 hours ago

Nice, just a coke spoon

[–] meyotch@slrpnk.net 2 points 13 hours ago

Whew, just a coffee mug.

[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 5 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

I'm lying on my right side in bed so I guess the ceiling?

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 3 points 13 hours ago

Same, except mine has a fan on it. 🪦

[–] QualifiedKitten@discuss.online 1 points 12 hours ago

Same, but lying on my left side, so the mattress?

[–] x4740N@lemm.ee 1 points 11 hours ago

I'm pretty sure air already does this

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 hours ago

Cat wand toy.

Perforated bowel coming up

[–] shipsnwolf@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 14 hours ago

Small metal filling cabinet that is wider than I am, death is what I get

[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 3 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

The first time I saw this post: sunglasses

The second time: 375mL can of beer.

The third time: my cat.

[–] OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world 2 points 13 hours ago

A mirror. Or... Myself?

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

So do I choose the bath or one of the shampoo bottles? 🤔

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 2 points 13 hours ago

I'd go with the shampoo bottles

[–] unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 16 hours ago (4 children)

A towel. Idk how im gonna make this work. Maybe if soaked with enough lube or oil 🤔

[–] acidbattery@lemm.ee 7 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Eww thats even worse

[–] gnutrino@programming.dev 3 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

I reckon you could manage a towel with a bit of lube and some sort of stick to help it on its way.

I believe in you, you've got this.

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[–] Tigeroovy@lemmy.ca 3 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Okay but it doesn’t specify entirely up your ass, just up your ass. So a Bo staff wouldn’t be that bad, it’s smooth at least.

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[–] Amnesigenic@lemmy.ml 1 points 13 hours ago

To my left is my dog Courage, she weighs about 50 lbs so having her shoved up my ass would probably end my life

[–] ramenshaman@lemmy.world 2 points 15 hours ago

It's like a 6ft x 2ft painting (2m x 0.7m roughly) on the wall. Going to be a rough night.

[–] clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 1 points 13 hours ago

A teaspoon, or worryingly the kitchen table upon which it is sitting.

[–] fleebleneeble@lemm.ee 2 points 16 hours ago

Eugh, nicotine pouch spit cup. Slimy.

[–] msage@programming.dev 2 points 16 hours ago
[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 1 points 15 hours ago

A bigass shelf. I'm going to die.

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