Not The Onion

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Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
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We've been getting some weird posts lately that... Well, they're not making me think it's gotta be an Onion headline, that's for sure.

So just a little refresher. Posts should be:

  1. Links to news stories from…
  2. …credible sources, with…
  3. …their original headlines, that…
  4. …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

If it's not Onion-y, it doesn't belong here. Bizarre, horrific, and violent news can be here if the headline reads like something out of The Onion, but if it doesn't, it's going away. And if there's too much non-Onion-like content from an account, that account is going away, too.

If you're not sure whether the real news headline you've found is like The Onion, here's a few sample Onion headlines from today:

  • "Visiting Friend Pleasantly Surprised By City’s Open Hostility Toward Homeless People"
  • "Increasingly Powerful Trans Person Capable Of Using Every Single Bathroom At Once"
  • "Man Feels Like Bystanders Are Arguing For Him To Put Gun Down In Bad Faith"
  • "Wally The Emotional Support Alligator Went To See The Phillies"
  • ‘New York Times’ Issues Apology For Reporting Palestinian Deaths

See? Find headlines from real news outlets that remind you of headlines like those. And just to prove my point: One of them is real.

Links to news stories from… …credible sources, with… …their original headlines, that… …would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/9823286

‘Tis the season to celebrate our loved ones, and also for employers to show how much they care.

Whether by throwing a Christmas bash or handing out extra cash, businesses around the world are broadly expected to offer their dedicated staff a festive token of their appreciation.

And who deserves more recognition than the workers who keep our healthcare systems afloat?

Yet, the senior management team at one hospital apparently decided that rather than boost their staff’s pay or treat them to a slap-up meal, they would provide them with…

Potatoes.

The questionable move was broadcast to social media by an X/Twitter user who calls herself Amanda B.

She explained dejectedly: “My work is doing a potato bar as our Christmas bonus. I’m literally getting a hospital potato as a bonus.”

She then added: “They also said it has a $15 (£11.85) value so it will be taxed on our next check. Does anyone need an assistant so I can just quit right now?”

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Sorry folks, this didn't look paywalled for me when I posted it.

Links others have provided:

https://archive.md/EwTss

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2023/12/20/gay-bar-pm-st-louis-police-crash-owner-arrest/71986781007/

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Because why pretend it's a real primary? 🤦

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Marijuana legalization is linked to significantly better recruitment for college basketball and worse outcomes for football teams, according to a new study. Researchers at Georgia College & State University and Kennesaw State University said there are numerous factors that affect recruitment trends in college athletic leagues, and so they tested the relationship between adult-use cannabis […]

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Emails obtained by Texas Monthly suggest the Texas Historical Commission was concerned about retaliation from lawmakers for carrying the books.

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A satire site invented a sequel to Moana where the titular Disney character transitions to become a boy and conservatives did not get the joke.

cross-posted from: https://kbin.social/m/ghazi@lemmy.blahaj.zone/t/707681/Conservatives-Seriously-Fell-for-a-Satire-Site-That-Joked-Moana

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Um, how isn't this a thing already? (Millionaire=people who earn $1M yearly)
Sorry for Fox News, but it's the best source with this headline and it says it's bipartisan so we should probably be good.

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Community members in a Tennessee school district want to banish Satan from their children’s halls after the formation of a new club was announced.

The After School Satan Club (ASSC) wants to establish a branch in Chimneyrock elementary school in the Memphis-Shelby county schools (MSCS) district.

Cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/9594849

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A school district and local prosecutors in Texas are refusing to drop charges against an 11-year-old who was held in solitary confinement.

Officers detained the boy and placed him in solitary confinement for three days at the Darrell B. Hester Juvenile Detention Center. Cameron County prosecutors argued for charges of "terroristic threat."

Despite being accused of ignoring Texas laws which require parental involvement before such interventions, Cameron County District Attorney Rene Garza told a hearing Wednesday that his office was gathering further evidence against Murray, rather than deciding to drop the charges.

Cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/9591073

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The Russian president, Vladimir Putin, appeared briefly lost for words on Thursday when confronted with an AI-generated deepfake of himself.

The question prompted a rare hesitation from Putin, already in his fourth hour of taking questions at the marathon event.

"I see you may resemble me and speak with my voice. But I have thought about it and decided that only one person must be like me and speak with my voice, and that will be me," he said.

"That is my first double, by the way," Putin added as an afterthought.

There has been recurrent speculation, particularly in Western media, that Putin has one or more body doubles to cover for him in some public appearances because of alleged health problems. The Kremlin had denied that and said the president's health is excellent.

Reporting by Reuters, writing by Mark Trevelyan Editing by Gareth Jones

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In the first day they sent out flyers, the After School Satan Club already has three students signed up for the new year.

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